| This is the 32nd story of Our life Logs |
When both of your marriages end because of infidelity, it can be hard to trust that there’s honest love out there anymore. Moving forward and trying to stay positive when it feels like the world is working against you can be difficult, but it isn’t impossible. Sometimes people will hurt you or break your trust. How you come back from it is what defines you as a person. When the world struck me, I tried to fight back.
My mother raised me and my two sisters alone in Cincinnati, Ohio. We lived in Northside, which wasn’t a very put together part of the city. Our lives weren’t easy. We didn’t have a car, so we had to take the bus to get everywhere. I was a bright kid, and passed the test to enter Walnut Hills, the #1 ranked school in Ohio, when I had reached middle school age. I lived so far from the school that I had to take a bus at 5:45 A.M. every day. I ran track and played tennis while I was enrolled there and really enjoyed both sports. As I got older, I got a job at the Northgate Mall. I would do my homework on my lunch break, go to work at the mall right after school, and get home around 11 at night. Then I’d get up and start the routine all over again. It wasn’t an easy life, but I made it work.
I decided to go the University of Mount St. Joseph after high school to pursue a degree in Nursing. I graduated in 2005 and worked in the cardiac unit at Good Sam Hospital right away. From there, I got a critical care internship at Christ Hospital that lasted six months. Working at Christ helped me find my passion in critical care. I stayed there for 3 years before I started working as a traveling nurse.
During this time, I started dating my first husband. We had known each other for years but didn’t date until we were older. He was raised within the church with similar roots to mine, so I thought we would be a perfect match. We got married in 2009. Our life together was going okay until he came home one day and told me he had quit his job. He told me he wanted to pursue a musical career instead. That was fine with me. I did my best to support his dream. I even bought him equipment. However, he didn’t try very hard to pursue it despite my encouragement. Soon enough he was just sitting around the house doing nothing. One month turned to six, then to a whole year.
On top of that, I learned that he was also communicating with a woman on Twitter about getting together to hook up. He left it open on his computer one day, and I saw messages he had sent her saying things like, “I can’t talk now, my stupid wife will be home soon” or “my stupid wife is bothering me about getting a job again.” I was shocked! I had no suspicions of him cheating until I had found these messages. I had to do something. I had put up with his bad attitude for too long. After his betrayal, I decided I’d had enough and tried to kick him out. He refused to leave.
I couldn’t stand to be around him. The sight of him made me upset all over again, so I took a lot of long-term travel nursing jobs to get out of the house. He finally left when I stopped paying the electric and heating bills while I was gone. Our divorce was messy and brought me a lot of negative emotions. I was crushed, angry, upset, agonized, and the feelings lingered for a long time. Eventually I came to the realization that I had to pick myself back up. I deserved better than an unfaithful man, and I decided that I was better off alone.
I liked being a nurse, but I felt like I had learned enough to work autonomously. I went back for my Masters in 2011 at Indiana Wesleyan University. I graduated in 2014, and this was the same year that I remarried. Much like my first husband, I had known this man for years, but had no interest in him until we had both grown up and matured. We reconnected through my sister’s social media accounts. We decided to get married on a whim one day. We had a Justice of the Peace wedding, and then called and told our family afterward. My second husband and I had a lot of fun together, and I felt like our marriage was great.
We had no interest in having children at the time, but soon after we married, I got unexpectedly pregnant. I didn’t want to believe it. How did that happen? I was on the birth control shot. When the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, I was upset because I wasn’t ready. I went along with the pregnancy anyway. I hoped that at least having a baby would bring me and my husband closer together. Being with him felt right. It turns out that he did not feel the same. While I was pregnant, I found out that he was going behind my back seeing his ex-wife. I told him that if with her was where he wanted to be, he should just leave, and so he did. We divorced in 2016 when our daughter was only six months old.
The destruction of my second marriage shattered me. I had uprooted my entire world, so I could become a part of his. Then he decided that having me in his world wasn’t what he wanted. He still tried to be a part of our daughter’s life, but I was left most of the time to raise her alone. It was a difficult time for me. I had to rely on my family to help take care of her while I worked. I worried about my daughter. I was raised in a single parent home and turned out fine, but it was hard. I didn’t want her life to be hard or to feel like her dad doesn’t love her because he isn’t with her mom. I tried to look past all my worries and made a vow to raise her to be strong like how I was.
It took me longer to bounce back from this divorce. I surrounded myself with family, friends, and people in my church to get through it. I knew that I couldn’t wallow for long. I had a daughter now, and I needed to be there for her. My daughter didn’t deserve a bruised, hurt part of me. She deserved a strong mother she could look to for strength. When you have a child, you come to realize your life isn’t just yours anymore. Your life and your child’s life are interwoven.
My daughter and I moved back in with my mom for about nine months before I got us a place of our own in August, 2017. I’m still putting the pieces back together, but I’m maintaining a positive attitude, not just for my sake but for my daughter’s. Her father only sees her once every few months, so I am the primary person she’s going to look to for inspiration on how to behave. I want her to look at me and see a strong fighter even if I’m having my emotional breakdowns in private. I want her image of me to stay positive. I’m working to spend all the time I can to build a good relationship with her. I don’t plan to date again until I’m giving my daughter 100% and feel that I can open my heart again.
I don’t hold anger in my heart over what has happened to me anymore. I’ve become friends with both of my ex-husbands. There isn’t any negative energy between us. I feel that to keep a long life, one must forgive quickly. Being angry at things you can’t change won’t change them. I forgave both men who once broke my heart. Bit by bit, I’m picking up the pieces and working to stay strong. I surround myself with people that are where I want to be instead of being around people that hold me back.
My failed marriages were like a tornado, sucking everything out of me, but I’ve moved on from that time in my life. I’m working to find the sunshine in every day so that my daughter can see it too.
This is the story of Jamiee Fields-Colvin
Jaimee is an entrepreneur, nurse, and mother. She has gone through two difficult divorces, but she has forgiven them and become friends with her ex-husbands. She also dealt with the unexpected arrival of her daughter that she now cherishes as her main priority. Jaimee lives with her daughter in Cincinnati, Ohio and hopes to be a good role model for her. She is currently working part time at a hospital and also the owner of Chayah Care (a home help agency).
This story first touched our hearts on November 20, 2017.
| Writer: Nia Fields | Editor: Our Life Logs Team |
Comments